Supermom

this post is dedicated to all mamas out there. Especially those who are my friends: you are all great examples and encouragers

You know those moments when you really want to be a supermom? I wanted to be one for the boys' dedication day. I had outfits picked out, family in town. I wanted to be able to cook breakfast, shower, look cute, have the boys ready, and get everyone to church early. This isn't too much of a pipe dream - I've accomplished it before... by chance.

The night before the dedication, Lee started violently spitting up. I would nurse. Then, instead of burping, he would just heave, and heave, and heave. We were using towels instead of burp clothes. Full size towels. He was still hungry. It happened again, and again, and again. Several times through the night.

Merit was potty training. He thinks it is really great when all our guests cheer for him, and so he 'had to go' many times. He went to bed late. He went to bed in a pack and play in the nursery since his room was being used for guests. Lee slept in our room.

I found myself sitting on the toilet of our tiny bathroom in the middle of the night. Lee would nurse a little, start to spit up. I would hold him over the sink until he stopped. Several times I tried to put him back to sleep, hoping the time would help calm his stomach and rid my milk of whatever [may have been] the problem. He was so hungry, so we'd do it again. We'd been trying to narrow down food intolerances, so I tried giving a bottle of previously pumped milk. It didn't stop. I could feel my vision of being a supermom fading with my sanity.

"Mami.... pee-pee...."

The next morning, Merit was out of sorts. It's the behavior that tells me his teeth are hurting. He would not let anyone do anything for him, except for me. I hadn't showered - unless you count being spit up on time after time during the night. I felt filthy, sticky, smelly. Lee had finally fallen asleep about 20 minutes before Merit woke up [early]. Screaming. With guests in the house. He didn't eat. He didn't want to sit on the potty. I was exhausted, and almost out of patience.

Somehow, I did make it to church. I was kind of thinking I would have to leave once the dedication part of the service was over, but the boys held it together throughout.

I was sure Lee was going to start up again while we were in front of everyone, creating puddles all over the floor. He didn't. Then I thought Merit was going for puddles when he sat down on the floor, holding himself, telling me he needed to "pee-pee." He held it.

When we got home, Lee was at it again. I was so exhausted that I nursed him, laying down, on a towel on the floor. I was too tired to even think about what I would do if he spit up like that on the bed.

I was really bummed. I want my children to be happy. I was sad that even though these are not major problems, they were going through stuff. I wanted to spend time with my family, and even while I was with them, I was worried about the kids. I wanted to sleep. I was so exhausted, I was impatient, I was stressed, I was worried. I wanted to be a better mom that day.

A truth hit me.

There was not any way to be a better mom, than to give all I can to my children. When I am beyond my ability, I am a real super mom. 

So: friends, mamas, mamas-to-be: Some days you will feel like supermom. Maybe you got the baby to sleep a couple extra hours at night, or at all. Maybe you got all your children down for a nap at the same time. Maybe you managed the kids all day and succeeded at cooking dinner. Maybe you gave the twins their bottles at someone else's house. Maybe you got to church on time, and remembered to put earrings in too. 

The days you feel like you have nothing left to give, you are fading away, you are bummed out, burned out. The days you practically bathed in the filth of your kids and nothing else goes right. The days you feel like you are failing, falling apart. You are a super mom. You are giving all for your children, and there is nothing better you could be doing. 

It is hard work. It is rewarding, wonderful, beautiful work, but it is hard. You are doing a great job. 

Also tell yourself that this, too, shall pass.  It is true, and your sweet little ones are worth it. It is just a season. You can do it!

Midnight Molar Meltdown

Exhibit A: short-tempered
[excuse poor-quality cell phone pic]

Monday night Merit woke up screaming.

I went to him and found him more distraught than ever before. He was screaming. He was flailing. He wouldn't try to talk. He wouldn't look at me. I couldn't tell if he had had a bad dream and was scared or upset with me or if it was something else. I had noticed some short-tempered behaviors and other things that made me think his molars were coming in. He had been refusing food and putting his fingers in his mouth a lot.

I tried to comfort him and offered him everything I could think of to get him to calm down. Finally, he started asking for 'daddy' through a weirdly stiff mouth.

My heart was breaking for the boy. I could tell he was in a tremendous amount of pain. I would kiss him on the cheek and he would scream even louder. Kicking and flailing.

We brought him into our bed. We put clove oil [natural numbing oil] on his teeth. We tried to give him ice water [a favorite], tried to get him to take his medicine [tastes like candy]. After more screaming we just held him down and poured it into his mouth.

He would ask for ice water, and then throw it when he got it. We began to offer anything we could think of to help. Favorite toys, blankie, ice, cold wash cloth, milk, food, ice cream. Every time he would say he wanted it and then refuse to put anything in his mouth.

I finally snuck a spoonful of ice cream [pureed frozen bananas] in his mouth. I knew it would help his gums. He ate more.

He finally began to calm down, after almost an hour of screaming. He asked for more ice cream. Progress!

I will never forget that: all of us in our bed, in the dark, feeding him ice cream. 

Eventually we got him calmed down and he drifted off to sleep with us. He tried to roll over and couldn't and that woke him back up. He asked to be held, so I stood, rocking him, until he fell asleep in my arms. I took him back to his bed this time. He woke up just before I closed his door and wanted back in our bed. The compromise was that I would sleep with him. He was happy and slept the rest of the night. He slept in a little too.

I woke up a little after 4am and found him sleeping on the floor, flat on his back, alongside the bed. I was afraid of what would happen if I woke him up, so I left him there and went back to my own bed.

The days since have been pretty normal. He is more short-tempered and quicker to meltdown than normal. We have been giving medicine before bed to get through the nights. After these 2 molars are through, Merit will be done with teething!

And we'll start all over again with Lee.

If Today Were A Fish

I should not be writing right now. It wasn't exactly a good night [or day] and there are a million loose ends to wrap up. 

The house is a mess. I almost wish that I could give you a virtual tour to prove my point, but I certainly don't have time for any of that. There are toys on the floor and dishes on the table. There are baskets of laundry to fold and piles of laundry to wash. There are pots heating on the stove and a hungry dog wandering around the house.

I am writing anyways because tonight I had a moment that I prayed would be burned into my memory for all time. I am not ready to let go of that memory for the to-do list just yet. 

All evening as I would normally try to tend to these things, I had a teething boy following me around. "Mama... mama...mama....mama... eh...eh...eh...eeeehhhhhhh..." he whined. Merit in pain these days is different than when he was younger. It was like when he was younger he didn't know any better. He handled it better. Now, he knows that things cause pain and that I should be able to fix it. Usually, it's wonderful to give a sweet healing kiss to your sad babe. Unfortunately, no amount of kisses can fix this teething pain. 

So after I carried him around and we talked about every single thing hanging our our fridge and on our walls. After he chewed on ice and frozen grapes and we were both feeling pretty frustrated, I decided to do an early bath and bedtime. Luckily, the bath was a good distraction. AND Merit wanted to sit on the little potty before his bath and he peed in it. I cheered him on and plopped him in the tub. He has a love-hate relationship with the bath. He loves to be in the water and play in it, but as far as he is concerned, you washing him is not important and quite frankly just in his way. It went well though and after he was clean he asked me to turn the water on. Something about running water just begs kids to play in it [the other kids I watch have this 'problem' too when washing their hands]. I was happy to let him play for as long as he was happy. 

august bath-time

My favorite thing about bath-time is really towel-time. We snuggle Merit up in his hooded towel and whoever bathed him finds the other parent. Josh is at soccer tonight, but usually we all snuggle and give kisses and Merit is so happy and sweet. 

Tonight I wrapped him up and sang him my bath-time song. "bath-time baby, you're the one......"

I set him down to towel off and lotion up and he grabbed my face and pulled it right into his in the biggest, longest lasting kiss ever. I actually pulled away too soon for him and he repeated it. 

I started to towel him off and he grabbed handfuls of my sleeves and pulled me in. I picked him back up and closed my eyes as his wet body soaked through my clothes. He just wanted to hug me tight, and I was a-okay with that. I don't know how long we held each other in this really tight, baby initiated hug. He hummed my bath-time song. And I prayed I would never forget. 

If you asked how my day or my evening was, I would not have answered "good." 

But in the midst of doing life on this hard day, I had one of the best moments ever. If today were a fish, I would not throw it back. Oh no. I'm keeping this one.

By Request: Cloth Diapers at the Scheutzow Ranch: I

Why Use Cloth

I think our main influences in using cloth are finances and health benefits. Everything else is bonus, like the environmental savings and how much cuter it is! People have arguments against every factor with cloth diapering [like everything else with parenting], but I believe that there are cloth diapering resources and options out there for every obstacle or situation.

Money: I started researching cloth for the financial benefits. I was cloth diapered as a baby and my mom says she could not imagine paying so much for something you use once and throw away. It is literally throwing money in the trash. My mom was given a subscription to a diaper service at the baby shower. Modern day diaper services exist, but I didn't think I would be getting as much of a savings [and I did not want to use prefolds at the time]. My mom is right, and no matter what diapering "system" you choose, you are saving money! We bought diapers and wash them ourselves, and I have not noticed any increase in our water bill. And if you already have a child, you know the laundry piles increase the moment you bring them into the world.

Health: Additionally, I found some articles discussing the contents of disposables and risks/effects of disposables. If I wasn't convinced before that, this was the push I needed. I was completely sold and I've never turned back. Can YOU imagine sitting in a disposable diaper? Did you know it's made of several kinds of plastics and cancer causing ingredients? Did you know it's linked to male infertility?  The contents of disposables are also linked to cause asthma in mice [and is believed to have similar results in humans but they don't want to submit children to an asthma causing study]. Google these issues and you will see several more articles.

On that note, some say that babies are more likely to get diaper rash in cloth diapers since the wetness is directly against their skin [litterally, this is the worst health risk of cloth I've ever heard]. To this I say that every baby will develop a rash at some point. I also admit that while the "stay dry" features in disposables seem nice, is it really in your childs best interest to keep them in a dirty diaper longer just because it doens't seem wet? And finally, there are solutions for this in cloth diapers too. For instance, the diapers we use have a fleece liner that wicks moisture away from the skin. This is so effective, that it is often times difficult to tell if a diaper is wet or not by just feeling the fleece.

Environment: I am a little ashamed to admit that this is not really a driving force in my cloth diapering choices. I try to do my part by recycling, having a home water filter with reusable bottles, using reusable grocery bags, and being efficient with our energy. At the end of the day, those things are relatively easy  for me [and have other benefits like a financial savings] and I'm not necessarily environmentally driven when I make choices. I can't help but to feel better that I am not dumping thousands of dirty diapers in the landfills - diapers that will take an estimated 450 years [that is even as marine debris = quicker than in a landfill] to decompose. That means those first disposables are still out there. Did you know it's a public health concern for human waste to be in those landfills too? Apparently you should be flushing the poo even if you use disposables [I honestly knew nothing about this until I started learning about cloth diapers].

Asthetics: Seriously. We've all seen those denim pampers comercials! Why are they such a big hit? Cloth is cuter. The prints/colors/patterns/options are endless. Aren't you sick of those cartoons and other advertisements bombarding your baby's bum?

Convenient: Contrary to popular belief, cloth diapers can be just as easy as disposables! You are not limited to pinning towel-like-diapers onto a squirmy baby and pulling leaky rubber pants over them. Instead of driving to the store for new diapers [and spending more money] you are going as far as your drier or clothesline, and instead of taking out bags and bags of trash, you are taking the dirty dipes to the washer.

Disclaimer: As with all things in parenting, each family must find the type/style/system/products that work for them. And I realize that for someone else these things might not be the best, but these posts are about what works for us. I [obviously] believe that cloth is the best option, but that does not mean I judge you if you're a disposable user. If my writing comes across as passionate, it is just that. Do not take it personally!! I think that most parents are uninformed when it comes to cloth diapers. There is enough new ground to pioneer when you become a parent, and going against the social norms can seem extra overwhelming.

A Pile of Rocks

Another week has passed by where I have dominated this blog. Seriously. Seriously. It's not Josh's fault. He works hard for us, he is training for a half marathon, and he likes needs to relax when he has some down time. In addition to the usual busy-ness of life, he worked all last weekend on a roofing project [out of town] and is on his way back after work today to finish it. Then, he has another job to start after he gets back in town tomorrow!! Dude is a machine.

He also took the camera. So there goes my hopes of sharing some more photos from my past week. It's ok, because I didn't get photos of my favorite moments anyways.

Like when I took the kids and the dog for a walk in the afternoon and Rufio got so tired out he jumped into the stroller's cargo basket. He loved it and even felt better enough to bark at the neighbors we passed [from under the stroller]!

Or the pile of rocks that comes in with us after a walk. Each kid and the dog carried in at least 1 rock each.







As requested, I have been preparing a post about cloth diapers. I have been trying to determine how much to write about cloth diapers. There is so much to say, that I might just devote all next week to them. I apologize in advance if you don't care! And my intent is not for this to be a mom blog. But I spend my days with three kids and I'm passionate about mothering. So I have no shame in sharing my mama-ness.

Joy

Undeniable, uncontainable J-O-Y. That is how we were all feeling today at the splash pad. The good Lord knows how badly I needed something like this today. I have been feeling burnt out and completely out of ideas. Not to mention, summer is ending in 4 short weeks! I want to take advantage of it.

Lately, it has either been too hot or too rainy to enjoy being outside. So today, we loaded up 3 kids, lunch, snacks, drinks, swimsuits, towels, AND the puppy. (you read that right - we have added a puppy to the madness! More on that later) We visited Josh at work and headed to the splash pad. Cold water is not really my thing, so it was perfect timing with Merit running around on his own. We had so much fun!

OK, OK, I just watched. I don't know the last time I had so much fun watching someone else have fun! I took TONS of pictures because I just didn't want to stop - I wanted to capture every bit of sheer excitement and cold-water screams that I possibly could.

I felt like an idiot sitting there with this huge grin on my face. My cheeks hurt. It was bliss. I needed it.

I have been talking about letting go of my lists and my agenda, but I have not truly let go. When I get out of the house, I let it all go. For real. Sometimes there are bad attitudes and potty accidents and lots of frustrations. Today was a blessing. A gift. A joy.

*Note: I don't mean to monopolize the photoes with Merit, but I want to get explicit permission from JW and LM's parents before posting any recognizable photos of them. They are in the background though.