"Uhm.... so.... I like you"

I will never forget when Josh first spoke those words to me.

It was 2004, the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

17-year-old Josh & Laura had been hanging out and "talking" since the week of Halloween.

We were hanging out at his parents house, on their couch. His whole family was also home. Since it was a holiday, that meant his Uncle and Grandparents were there too. They were not in the same room as us, but they were pretty close by. Definitely in ear-shot, which made me nervous to begin with.

"Uhm..... so.... I like you" Immediately he buries his face in a throw pillow.

I cannot remember what I did next. I have a feeling I pulled the pillow from his face and said "I know." Probably with some defensive/embarrassed/nervous attitude while I glanced around the house to see who had heard us. I probably turned red and started to sweat [rare for me in the winter months]!

Sometime, I told him that I liked him too. Then I asked "So, what does that mean." And I guess that was the beginning of our official DTR. You know, "Define The Relationship" talk. Luckily, we didn't call it that because we hadn't heard that term yet.

The rest is history. A history, you may or may not get more glimpses of in the future.

So, on this historic day for our little family, I want to reassure Josh: I like you too. I still like you, a lot. Thanks for liking me too! Happy 7 year 'anniversary' of sorts, my love!

Winter Formal, February 2005
we don't have many pictures together before this

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!! We are spending the holiday weekend with our family, enjoying each other, our extended families, and relaxing.

We are so thankful for all of these things, and want to take some time to enjoy them fully! We are so looking forward to a long weekend where we have the opportunity to do so.

I hope that you can enjoy all that you are thankful for in your life, and that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

Surviving Morning Sickness

I started this post in the end of October, still very much dealing with the symptoms of morning sickness. I haven't really edited out what I wrote at that time, but I have added to it since then. Sorry if the context/tense is weird or hard to understand because of that.

I have been dealing with morning sickness for about 8 weeks now. On top of that, I have had a cold since October 1. Today is day 27 of this cold! I am seriously SICK of being sick! As far as the morning sickness goes, each day has been a little bit better than the last, with a few exceptions. I am believing this is a good sign that I am almost done with it, and also believing that I may have found some tricks that bring relief for me.

While talking about surviving, I have to first of all thank Josh for truly helping me survive this. He gets up early and works hard at work all day long. He deals with clients and employees AND my anxiety ridden [read: needy] texts and calls. Then he comes home and helps me recover from the day, takes over most the responsibilities with Merit, makes us all dinner, and then starts on the housework that I have been overwhelmingly behind on lately. He is incredible.

I also want to talk about morning sickness in general. I think it is really misunderstood. I definitely misunderstood it before I was pregnant. Partly because everything about being pregnant, being a parent, is different for every person. Each pregnancy is different from any other pregnancy, even in the same woman. Not everyone gets morning sickness. At all. The name "morning sickness" itself is a complete misconception.... for instance, I feel sick all day long. Waking up and getting out of bed is the worst, but some days the afternoon or evening is the worst. Some women throw up once and then feel better. Some women throw up all day long. Some women don't throw up much, but are on the verge of throwing up all day long.

The difference between every women's morning sickness makes it really hard to find any concrete thing that will actually help. What turns out to be a miracle for some women is repulsive to others. Here is what has helped for me, and I think they will all help you out too.

Be intentional about what you eat. My first pregnancy, I lived on crackers. As long as I was snacking on crackers all day long, I felt OK. This pregnancy, crackers made me gag. I couldn't even swallow them. I was too sick to eat anything really, and the longer I went without eating, the sicker I became. I drank soup broth for about a week straight. My midwives told me that protein was key. They said carbs and crackers and sweets help because the bring your blood sugar up, but since it then drops quickly, you're left feeling sick again soon. Protein helps balance your blood sugar. They suggested snacking on a handful of peanuts every hour, and making sure that all my meals were high in protein. It took me a long time to be able to eat that way. Either I was too sick to prepare food, or too sick to eat anything. So I started with protein bars from the store , and other sweeter foods that were easy to get down, and I tried to eat something high in protein right after, when I wasn't as nauseous. I think that this, and eating well in general, AND eating all the time really helps

Lean on others. It was easy to see that sometimes Josh was feeling overwhelmed by my state of sickness. It was also easy to see that I was super overwhelmed. Luckily, I have awesome friends and family that were texting and calling to check on me. Offering help, praying for me, and letting me know they were there. It helped me not to feel alone. I am not one to ask for help, but I really appreciated that people were constantly offering it. If there was something I needed, I knew that I could easily ask someone. It's hard for anyone to ask for help, and sometimes it's even harder to know what to ask for! But if you think of something, or someone offers, TAKE THEM UP ON IT!

Have grace for yourself and others. It is really hard for me to find grace for myself. I have all these expectations and get seriously down when I come up short. Or when I don't come up with anything at all. Give yourself grace. Know that you are doing a much more important job in being a safe place for a starting new life! Also, give grace to others. Josh doesn't really do anything around the house the same way that I would do it. I tried my best to give him grace, to bite my tongue. The point is, he IS doing it!  We are getting to the same end, despite the means, and they are so not important during this time. [I am of course talking about cooking, cleaning, etc]

Stay thankful. Try to be thankful for the little things. Try to be thankful that there is new life in your body, that your body is capable. Be thankful for the good moments. Be thankful for the help. If nothing else, be thankful that you are where you are. I have witnessed for myself pregnant women who literally live in the town dump, or in grass huts. They don't have stores, they don't even have money! They don't even have clean water to drink. The people who live in the dump eat trash. I am humbled to be thinking of them now, and how pregnancy, aversions, morning sickness, cravings might effect them... we are so blessed, even in the hard times.

Take one thing at a time. If that means day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment, or task by task. It's ok. Just get through that.

This too shall pass. I cannot say when. Every pregnancy [I used to read that as "every woman", but no, every pregnancy] is different. They have things in common of course, and one of them is that they ALL come to an end! Most women feel better after the first trimester, some after the second, some not at all for a day of their pregnancy. But even then, you won't be pregnant forever!



If you are struggling with sickness in or out of pregnancy, or any other feelings of anxiety or depression, and you want someone to talk to, please feel free to contact us! We have been there, and you are not alone.

Second Trimester Bliss

1 link = 1 week of pregnancy left

I am happy to report that I have finally entered what I am considering Second Trimester Bliss! Although this is certainly something to celebrate*, don't get ahead of yourself thinking that it's your regular type of Bliss. It simply means that I can prepare food in the morning [and maybe even get dressed first, or go to the bathroom first] without gagging-or-worse immediately. It means that I can go a little longer before I start to feel nauseous. It means I am actually motivated about some things, I am cooking and cleaning again, and I'm not wishing I could spend the entirety of every day snuggled in bed. It also means that instead of feeling a general aversion to food/eating/cooking/smelling, I am having cravings. Lately: garlic. and avocado. Right now, avocados are the only thing on my mind.... except I finished all the avocados we had here last week and haven't gotten more yet. I cannot think of anything else that sounds good - I am forcing down some pizza now [which is normally a favorite!]

I've been sort of in a limbo state between Morning All-Day-Sickness and Second Trimester Bliss for a couple weeks. Some days are better than others, and some days are still bad days. Of course, the flu and the dreary Ohio weather haven't done too much to help.

I am so, so, so thankful to be feeling better! Although the bad days are discouraging to me, because I cannot do what I had planned, I am thankful for the good days. I am thankful to be a little bit closer to the mother, wife, and caretaker that I would like to be. I am thankful for Josh picking up all my slack, taking care of me as I was sick and dealing with me in the dark moments. I am thankful for Merit's sweet smile and soggy kisses!



*I have been celebrating by making chocolate lava cakes and brownie pudding cake. Both are delicious treats for the chocolate lover and I'll try to share the recipes soon! They are really magic!

Merit is 17 months old!

So far, I haven't been doing a monthly post about Merit. But, in the first couple years they do change so much every month! So hopefully I can keep up with that. My last post about him was when he turned 15 months old and we were all sick.  Well, yesterday Merit turned 17 months old and guess what. We were all sick. Josh and I have had a nasty stomach flu the past few days. Luckily, Merit has been spared, as far as we can tell! I've noticed a runny nose, and a little fussiness, but I'll take that over a stomach flu anytime!

Merit is now able to reach everything, it seems. He always has his hands on something he shouldn't. I glanced at him after I typed that sentence (he was happily eating cheerios at the table) and he was on top of the table! This might take me awhile to type out! He has learned the joys of climbing and how to manipulate things to climb onto. For example, our couches are really high, so he flips over a laundry basket and pushes it to the couch to climb on top. If the laundry basket is full, he brings it as it is to climb on top, and if there are no laundry baskets around he brings toys. We have 1 extra chair that has leg rails he can climb up on, and he pushes it all around the house to climb up. He often pushes it and brings books to look at in front of the window. So cute!

He is an imitator In everything! Last week he saw me drying my face after washing it, and he ran out of the bathroom. I followed him to the kitchen where he pulled a kitchen towel out of the drawer and wiped his face. He then put it away, of course, because he is also very particular about where things go! He saw me close a low cabinet with my foot a few minutes ago, and he then opened it up so he could practice closing it with his foot! He has learned to blow his nose, wipe his face during dinner, cheers with his cup, and "wink" by imitating us. He loves to help empty and load the dishwasher, although he is often confused by the two. I noticed today he was very deliberately crossing his legs when he sat down, so he must have seen someone sitting indian-style [or, what's the new PC phrase for that? sorry, I don't think I care too much].

Merit is a great listener! He does what we ask most of the time. He will respond when we ask him questions, and usually uses manners. If he wants something he will point and say please and has you follow him around the house until he can show you what he needs/wants. This includes closing and opening doors, getting water/milk, getting onto the couch, etc.

He wants to help!! I've touched on this a little, but he also waits for the dog to finish his food and brings us the bowl, brings us our phones and remotes when he finds them, loads/unloads the dishwasher, anything else he sees us doing...

He LOVES spending time with other kids. He is so, so excited when the kids I watch get here everyday. And yesterday while Josh and I were dealing with the toilet-hugging and hit-by-a-train symptoms of the flu, Merit spent the day at a dear friends house playing with her 2 kids. I could tell when I picked him up that he had a great time. He ran up to me talking baby gibberish [with hand gestures] for 3 full minutes. I felt like he told me everything about his day, only I don't know for sure. When he was done talking, he ran off to climb into the pillow/blanket fort he had been playing in with his friends! [I must note that we are SO BLESSED to have friends like these!! I am grateful beyond words for the time to rest without needing to worry about Merit, and I believe this may have spared him from getting the virus from us!]

He is also finally learning to color without eating the crayons! He just needs to push down a little harder.

He says: hi, please, yes, dada, mama, what is that, who's that, oh, uh oh, water, and "help please" although the help part is not usually understandable... he also knows dog, woof-woof, chomp (as in alligator, but it's the universal animal sound for him)

He signs: please, all done, waves for hi and bye, blows kisses, nods yes and no, points

He also gives kisses when you ask, can show you his belly button, nose, eyes, tongue, ears, and repeat animal sounds (my favorite is gobble-gobble-gobble-gobble: gbla-ablga-bagla-gabla).

His favorite parts of the day are when JW & LM come over, seeing the teachers at their school (who spoil him with daily stickers) and when daddy comes home.

I know there is so much that I am leaving out. He is learning more and more everyday, and doing more hilarious things everyday. He is such a joy to know and watch and play with. He is a happy easy boy, and I am so thankful for him!

thats his favorite snack: chips, salsa, & guac



makes this grin when the camera comes out



climbing

new way to sit

Marathon Madness

As you've noticed, there are some big things going on. Mostly, that my lovely wife is pregnant with our 2nd child. As in, I'm going to have two kids! That's like, a big leap into the real deal family style. 2 kids, 2 cats, a puppy, and a station wagon.

One of the things that I've recently completed was running the Nationwide Columbus (half) Marathon!!! In a previous post I wrote about training and so this time I wanted to recap the experience.

The 13 weeks of training were coming to an end and I was feeling pretty good about it. I had a few long runs under my belt of 9 miles, 10 miles, and 11 miles. I was training with my good friend Kara who lives in Cleveland so we would run together once a month or so. It helped that we trained at the same pace so we were able to push eachother and maintain a good level without losing time or energy. Like I said, I hadn't run over 2 miles in a longgg time so even getting up to 7 and 8 miles was a huge accomplishment for me!



The 2 weeks before the race were taper weeks which was supposed to be nice slow, short runs, cutting your mileage down by 40-60%. For me this meant, short, fast runs at a nervous break-neck reccord speed. But still, I felt somewhat prepared. I had missed a few runs being sick and having some knee pain one week, but the week before I felt good. My brother got married the week before the race but Kara and I were able to get in a short 4 mile run. The week before I was not too nervous but still wondering if I could finish, if I would give up, or pass out, or throw up, or have to stop 7 times to pee and ruining our time. I had alot of self-confidence issues the week before the race

Race Weekend:
Friday was a stressful day at work for 1 reason or another and I raced home to pick up M and L and go to the EXPO which is just an excuse for race sponsors to get you all into a big room and try to sell you things. It is the ONLY place you can pick up your packet, chip, and shirt before the race. Laura dropped me off and drove around the block and I was in an out in a few minutes thankfully.

Saturday we had friends Brian and Sam over for breakfast who happened to have run the race the year before. They asked me how I was feeling and generally laughed at my concerns and made me feel better about some of them, it was encouraging. We then drove to Dayton for Jeff and Katie's wedding and Laura and I got to spend some uninterrupted time thanks to babysitting by uncle R and aunt M which was really nice.

Nutrition: During the two days prior to the race, I tried to eat very consistent, protein and carbohydrates, nothing fancy, no alchohol, and plenty of hydration (yea dean!) The night before the race was kind of hectic coming home from the wedding, picking up Merit and getting to bed at a decent hour (10pm) The next morning was up at 445am to eat a english muffin with peanut butter and a banana. About 1 hour before the race I had some gatorade as well for some sugar and carbs.



Race Day: Like I said, I was up before 5am and showered and ready to go. I had everything set out the night before so I wouldn't forget anything. Shoes, socks, race shirt, gloves (it was 40 degrees) and hydration pack. Kara showed up before 6am and we drove downtown. We were parked by 630 and walked the mile or so to the starting line. There was a HUGE crowd of runners and spectators and we were getting pumped up but still nervous. There was a long line for the port-o-johns that stretched all the way down the street. We walked into a random apartment building connected to a Tim Hortons and found this random one-person bathroom that ONE person was waiting for. Such a good find!! We then went out to the lawn in front of the statehouse and stretched and jogged around a bit to warm up. We were pretty nervous but holding it together. There were bands playing and people getting married on-stage (wtf?) and all sorts of stuff going on. At 725 we crammed into our corral E with thousands of other people and huddled together in the middle of Broad street waiting for the gun to go off. Finally it did, all the months of preparation, all the work, to get here. It felt surreal. 3,2,1... GOOOOO!!! Fireworks errupted into the sky and the crowd went wild! Meanwhile, we were still standing there, for SIX minutes we didn't move. Talk about anticipation. Finally we started shuffling, and then walking, and then jogging, and then running. Passing the start line seemed like it took forever, but thankfully the digital chips record when you start, and not when the gun goes off. The faster runners are up front of course and they start you based on your "estimated" finish time, which we didn't estimte correctly. Thankfully I'm not an "estimator," or else that would be embarassing.

The first 2 miles we were running with the pack, taking in all the sights and sounds and trying not to run too fast (which is what everyone tells you.) By mile 2, I looked at my watch and realized, the pack we were running with, was running REALLLLY slow. Much slower than we wanted to, but we didn't realize it. We kicked it into gear and started passing people. This took alot of energy weaving in and out of people and it wasn't the best strategy. We ended up passing over 1,700 runners throughout the race! The website tells you all sorts of details like this after you finish.

Laura, Merit, and her parents were out on the course with signs and encouragement, cheering us on. However, we went right past them at mile 1 and were on the other side of the street! Huge bummer for everyone.

At mile 6 we were feeling good, coming down Drexel Ave towards our Alma Mater Capital University! We rounded the corner and saw Kara's family, our friend Tana, and boyfriend Nate! It was sweet to see them and gave us a boost of energy. Around mile 7 we were searching and searching for L and M and FINALLY saw them! I gave them a quick kiss and we kept cruising. We were making pretty good time. Shortly after, between miles 9 and 11, we hit the wall which I always thought was bogus but let me assure you it is very real. I didn't realize what had happened until it was too late. I felt sluggish, tired, but most of all just plain hungry. There was a hot dog cart nearby and I was so tempted to go get one (I know... such a good idea) but anyway, Kara kept encouraging me and I had some gatorade and started feeling better. She started feeling it too and I just remember saying over and over, "we can do this" but all I wanted to do was stop running. Finally we turned the corner onto high street for a 3 mile stretch UPHILL, not fair if you ask me. We started feeling alot better, started running our fastest couple of miles yet. We were passing more and more people and the crowd on the sides was growing quickly. They were shouting encouragement and support. Finally we saw the road dead end into a wall of people and knew that was the last final turn to go down the hill into the finish line. The last 0.1 of the race was downhill and we sprinted, gave everything we had, and passed quite a few more people! Kara and I crossed the finish line side by side just like we started. We ran right past my parents and brother, L and M, and they missed us! The only person who caught us was my father-in-law who was up in the stands with his camera. He caught a couple good photos of us finishing which is awesome. We crossed the finish line in 2 hours, 5 minutes, and 34 seconds.

The finish area was overwhelming, a volunteer put a medal around you neck and a blanket around your shoulders, you got a bottle of water, and then you stood in another long line for a food bag. Finally, we were out, reunited with our families, put on some dry clothes, and went home for some delicious Chipotle, which was all I could think about (thanks to subliminal advertising at the race.) The following days I was sore, my knees hurt, I was tired, my body was achy, but oh was it worth it.

To sum it up, it was a big accomplishment for me. To push through, to fulfill my commitment to myself, and to Kara. 13.1 miles down. Knowing that I can do that is a pretty great feeling, and if I can do it, pretty much anyone can do it. If you want some info on training and the schedule we used feel free to contact me. The motto of the race was Commit, Train, Believe, and Achieve.



Thanks to my friends and family for coming to support me and all the words of encouragement from everyone.

Beauty in Brokenness

via

Today while I was driving the kids to school, I was thinking about fall projects I could do with them. I was thinking about the leaves, and how the leaves on the trees along my drive are now in full color. Some trees are half-empty, but most are fairly full and completely colorful.

I was somehow reminded that the fall colors are the true colors of a leaf. That all summer, photosynthesis and chlorophyll cause leaves to appear green. It isn't until autumn, that the leaves begin to die, that they become so beautiful.

Somehow, in their brokenness, there is abundant beauty.

If the leaves have feelings, I imagined them feeling a lot like me lately: like they are failing at their responsibilities, like they are barely hanging on, like they are letting everyone down, and like it is only a matter of time before they cannot do it anymore. And in that place, they are the most beautiful. Their true colors show.

I hope that in this dry and broken place in my life, the Lord's true and colorful beauty can show through me, too. I also hope that I can open my eyes past my circumstance to see the beauty in his work.

Blessed [and my week in photos 10.22-10.31]

You probably get the idea that I've been having a rough time lately. To sum it up, I've been dealing with all-day-and-night-long "morning" sickness for over 7 weeks, I've had a killer cold for over 5 weeks of that. To top it off, I now also have a cracked rib, which is really painful [especially when moving, lifting children, and coughing.... and my cough now literally sounds like a barking dog].

I am not writing this to complain. I am actually hesitant to publish it because I don't want to complain. But this is the stuff of life, and that is why we have this little blog. I'm not writing this for your pity, although prayer is really appreciated. Instead, I am writing to say how blessed I am. You read it right, blessed.

I have a wonderful husband who has been a pillar of strength and support. One I have drawn from everyday, to get through the day. He works hard to provide for us, he comes home tired and continues to work. Taking care of Merit, getting us all dinner, taking care of the pets, straightening up the house: dishes, laundry, bathrooms; grocery shopping, you name it. He is incredible.

I have Merit. When Merit was born, I could just stare at him. I was amazed that even his sleeping little body brought me so much joy. Joy I had never known before. It was more than cute. Words can't describe it. I am daily amazed that he can bring me more and more joy. I can't imagine how I could be more pleased with him, and then it just happens. He is so precious, so happy, so easy, so full of life. He loves to make us laugh. He plants the sweetest kisses just because. He is perfect. He is amazing.

I have great friends. They check in on me. The offer to bring me stuff. They pray for me and reassure me that there are brighter days ahead. They offer babysitting and meals and love. They remind me of the truth, and it's so good to hear when you're in a dark place.

My Week In Photos: Click to Enlarge